Revised September 17, 2023
Face it, if you’ve ever tried to explain parental alienation to anyone, you’ve quickly realized that explaining an alien abduction would probably be easier. Using words like “brainwashing” makes you sound not only crazy, but also childish and unable to grow up and deal with the other parent for the sake of your child. For all of these reasons and then some, I’d stopped talking about it. I was simply afraid of how others would view me. I’m a nurse in an operating room. I have a real job and real responsibilities, but somehow uttering the words “parental alienation” made me feel that my peers were questioning my credibility, and perhaps even my mental stability.
If you google the term “parental alienation,” the definitions that appear suggest a “psychological manipulation.” This results in certain behaviors such as “unwarranted fear, disrespect or hostility towards a parent or family member.” Other terms such as “bad-mouthing” or “brainwashing” may be used in conjunction. While all of those explanations are spot on and give the term credibility, Jack and I feel they don’t adequately encompass the magnitude, depth or gravity of what we have experienced. For this reason, we came up with our own working definition.
For purposes of this blog and our story, we will refer to parental alienation as “the intentional and strategic indoctrination of hate and/or guilt by one parent against the other, with the sole purpose of severing the bond spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically with the other parent, thus gaining total power over the child, and ultimately the alienated parent.” The word “parent” can be substituted with “stepparent” or “family member.”
The word “power” may seem very strong to you and perhaps this word doesn’t fit into your story. Jack and I have met many dads, moms, stepdads and stepmoms, just like you, experiencing parental alienation to a certain degree. In some cases, the alienating parent is just angry and wanting to vent, so the child is the one who takes the brunt of it. In other cases, the alienating parent is making the ability to have a relationship with the child difficult. In such cases, the alienator uses the child as the pawn with no plan as to the end goal but rather as a way to make the ex suffer. In our case, the alienator’s goal is to destroy any relationship or hope of reconciliation, thus gaining total power over the kids and ultimately us.
For eight years, Jack and I fought against parental alienation. On November 16, 2016, we successfully proved in court that parental alienation had occurred with his oldest daughter Kaitie. Because of this, he was granted sole legal and physical custody of Mary and Liam. For two years, we watched as Mary and Liam thrived. We naively believed that physically separating the kids from their alienator would prevent it from happening again. We were wrong. On May 31, 2018, Mary and Liam walked out the front door for their mother’s summer visit, and never came back.
Parental Alienation Speaks is a platform to share our journey through parental alienation. For 10 years, we watched as the alienator rewrote childhood memories; included the kids in rituals to sever bonds; used fear and manipulation to sabotage visitation time; enlisted the use of the police, DFS and other community professionals in order to advance the agenda… and so much more.
The purpose of sharing our story is to help you understand what parental alienation looks like and what may possibly be happening in your very own home. Who knows, you may be witnessing someone stealing your children from right in front of you.
For 10 years, I was a stepmother to Liam, Mary and Kaitie. I documented every detail. Maybe, by sharing those details, I can help you in your fight. I won’t stop until someone listens. Make no mistake about it, parental alienation should be a crime.
For more information about our story and why we speak:
Why We Speak
Thank you Cheryl for sharing your stories. May God bless you and keep you close to his heart. Everything will be okay.
Thank you for giving us a peaceful place to come to find hope and advice. I love the light you are for our darkest of times. I’m a father of 2 beautiful little girls lost custody and trying to pick up those pieces without them always around makes it nice to know I’m not the only one. So I’m not crazy. Thank you love the Whittemore Family in AZ
The first few paragraphs resonate. Hard for those who have never experienced Narc. Socio abuse with PA. The alienator in my case is an individual who will stop at nothing to hurt me, which means hurting his own children. ( abuse by proxy) He cannot feel compassion, guilt etc. Controls, abuses, torments, manipulates & gets off on it. ( as he did to me during our marriage)
Made my teen boys sign a legal letter that they never want to live with me etc etc..What has been done to me & my children is something out of a Lifetime movie. Were i not living it, I would not believe it possible.
No matter how many years go by, it is still raw, painful & heartbreaking, as I watch these beautiful young beings turn into people I don’t even know.
These young souls, so damaged by all the manipulation, control, verbal, & physical abuse, by drug use ( which their father allowed/encouraged & is part of the control of NA) , by their having to lie to me & about me to please him, by not having the healthy parent, their Mom, their greatest cheerleader, in their everyday lives.
This is a never ending hell unlike any other.
Their father, a monster, continues his destruction, and no one, not courts, not judges, not family, will help to do anything about it.
I feel your pain. People look at me with me so much suspicion when I talk about it, unless they’ve been through it.
My oldest used to be a TOTAL daddy’s girl. She absolutely adored me, and I often made time for “daddy/ daughter dates” as well as doing the same with my son. Encouraged my stbx wife to do the same, but she wasn’t as driven as I to do the same.
Now, she’s been convinced that she watched a total fiction of a “beating” that supposedly took place at my hands on her “mom.” I haven’t spent time with my daughter in a year and a half, and I still can’t believe this is actually happening. It’s all really happened because I chose to opt out of “mom’s” abuse and gaslighting. Our poor kids are paying the price for the generational sin that goes back to at least my stbx wife’s grandmother. I have no idea how, but the cycle has to end and I’m determined.
I don’t know where to even begin! I thought it was Me! I’ve blamed myself the last 10 years! I had no idea that what my children and myself have been going through was something others have as well! I will definitely be doing some reading, hopefully I’ll be able to find answers that will eventually help guide me to a way back into their lives! I miss them so very much!!
Parental alienation should be treated as a crime, it is. So many lives forever changed because of the sickness and toxicity of the alienating parent.
I HAVE A VOICE! 2 of my children kidnapped from living a normal childhood, kidnapped from me, their mother, who loves them so much!
great story. I think thats what my ex wife is doing. She told my kids if they dont go with me during weekends I am going to send her to court again. Now kids told me they come with me because they dont wanna me to send mom to courth. i think all this system is broke. Maybe good intention but bad results over the time due parents abuse of system.